It takes five weeks for an embryo to look like this:

Yep, that’s right, a weird ass octopus the size of a sesame seed.

At five weeks “You may notice some pregnancy-related discomforts already. Many women report sore breasts, fatigue, and frequent urination starting in the early weeks. You may also have nausea, though it’s more likely to show up in the coming weeks.”

Take out the sore breasts and I’m having a Guate-baby. 

I have not been nauseas, gracias a Dios, but you know what I’m saying here. Frequent fatigue: yes. Urination: I’m guzzling aqua pura by the liter, ain’t I? And nausea, well, emotional nausea at times, yes. Also, I’m amazed I haven’t gotten nauseas on the trying bus rides over hill and dale, winding and bumping and hopping and trying to anchor my weight to the seat so I don’t fly into the aisle. 

Integrating into a new culture is kind of like growing a baby. You don’t really understand what is happening but you know something is developing inside you and it makes your body (your brain and other organs) do funny things. At the end of training- 9 weeks- you will have a title by your name but you still won’t know what the hell to do with it. It will only be the beginning.. like when you hold that kid in your arms but you have no idea how to make it stop crying or soothe it or feed it. 

I use the baby metaphor because I’ve heard my friends describe their pregnancies and their experiences of bewilderment and it’s a lot like integrating with a developing country. At the end of two years, I will have this creature I’ve nurtured and cared for and at first I had no idea how to appease it, make it happy, make it function like it’s supposed to!, but at the end of 27 months, this creature will be crawling and talking and I will tell my friends: “I don’t know what I would have done without it. My life will never be the same.”

WEEK FIVE My Guatexperience became an embryo. ZYGOTE NO MORE! 

First, we got our charlas out of the way. I didn’t realize that everyone was so nervous about it until the day of. But apparently a lot was riding on it. I was a little uncomfortable at the thought of doing my charla for two Healthy Schools Volunteers because Escuelas Saludables is super policy and data happy. They solely work with adults- teachers and administration, while we work largely with the students (YID- Youth in Development). I felt confident about my charla. What I was most uncertain about was wielding my choppy Spanish, but it came out just fine. I think the observers appreciated my creativity and saw my strengths, at least I hope! And I had fun! So that’s a win. 

Secondly, I visited a volunteer in her site for three nights. I slept on her mattress, ate the food she eats, walked the paths she walks and observed her with her jovenes without any authority figure lording over us. Just the three of us: Tanya, Suzy and I, living the life of a REAL LIVE VOLUNTEER. Arriving to Suzy’s felt like rest, like oxygen, like a moment to breath. In the moment, it was simply a relief to have TWO DAYS OF UNSTRUCTURED TIME. But reflecting back now, it was a triumph to have made it that far. 

On a normal training week, we only have language classes from 8am-3pm, but if you include the days that we go to the office, the constant cultural adjustment, the struggle to find words you don’t know and saying things wrong and beans on beans on beans, and one day off a week that might include a cultural event or two, it’s go go go. It’s Cultural Based Training, CBT. This is a highlighted acronym for me: it also stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I wish that Culture Based Training didn’t share the acronym. 

But for FBT (Field Based Training), we simply visited a volunteer: VV, Volunteer Visit, doesn’t sound fancy enough I guess. 

But it was fancy and I’ll tell you why: it was a sneak peak inside the crystal ball of our futures. Two years is a hefty time commitment, it feels less so now that I am here but when I was signing up for service it felt like a massive life deposit. We all want to be at the perfect sites, the ideal locations, with amazing stories to tell. 

It’s not going to be magical like that at all. But it is going to be great and there will be moments of magic in between the tears and woes of growing an experiential baby. 

But I will tell you what wasn’t fancy: 9 hours in 4 different camionetas. It took that long to get from our volunteer site back to our training sites. Another dose of reality was offered up as I was wedged between two men on a seat only meant for two people bumping up and down and all around like an awful game of Bop-It as we wound and wove our merry way across the Guatemalan paisaje. Public transportation here is hell for your personal space bubble. You better check that shit at the gate darlin’ because ain’t no space for it here nah.’

For now, we are suspended as we wait for the next dose of reality. We are given the name of our sites on November 24, another massive right of passive. Perhaps I can equate that day to the day you find out the sex of your baby. On the one hand, it doesn’t matter, right?, you (hopefully) have a healthy human either way. On the other hand, that dude is a girl or boy, a chapín or a chapína. It means a ton.

I’ll let you know as soon as I find out, promise.