We were still driving to Dude. I guess all the meaty conversation started in the car on the way there.

“So Chaz, what do you do in Seattle?”

I hate that question. I really hate to BE asked what I do, but I know we only have an afternoon: that question is the most economical way to get to know a person.

He pauses.. Ria jumps in “He stares at a wall all day.”

Chaz echoes “Yeah! I stare at a wall.”

I imagine he works at a terrible call center.. Work is basically the worst, but if you can find good people and not terrible scenery, it makes it a hell of a lot better.

“Yeah I work at Microsoft as a software developer [I’m 93% sure that was what his title was].”

He didn’t say this with enthusiasm. In fact, he said it was lackluster and a hint of disdain..

Ria jumps in again: “He works with bunch of frat boys!”

Everything Ria says sounds like it’s bubbling out of her. Just imagine that type of personality throughout the hike. I love that about her.

 

“Ria, I’m afraid my boss is going to find out about me.” Chaz says. I’m intrigued.

“Yeah, he’s just such a frat boy and he went to Stanford and he was asking me where I went to school the other day.”

Ria bubbles up again: “Oh he’s going to find out!”

Chaz: “yeah, the last thing I feel like saying to him is that I got pulled out in undergrad.”

Chaz never says this during our hike or dinner after, but he makes bank. If I understand correctly, Microsoft found this dude in undergrad and said “We want YOU” and so he went.

I learn from tidbits of conversation over the hours that follow that Chaz and Ria bonded significantly during their time of indentured servitude working at Yellowstone. The gig was not ideal, in fact the company was atrocious, but they kept going back because it was obviously an amazing life.

Their memories are popping up like bubbles in a steady stream. They chase them one by one. I love hearing them come up. “Do you remember when we got stuck during the shutdown?” “You mean during the goverment shutdown?” “Yeah Natalie, do you remember that?”

“Yeah I do.”

“Well I mention the shutdown to a lot of people and no one seems to know what I’m talking about!”

“What? I mean I hate the news and avoid politics at all costs but I totally remember the shutdown.”

“Well we were at Yellowstone for the shutdown-”

“Oh yeah I didn’t think about how it’s federally funded so naturally it would shut down, huh.”

“Exactly! And we just had to hang out until the government, well, started up again!”

But back to Chaz’s job:

“It’s just like, everyone in my department loves dick-measuring.”

Ria bubbles up: “Chaz got recognized as one of the top-top employees and now all the frat boys are bugging him about it, because he’s like obviously super talented.”

Chaz: “Yeah I mean, I like what I do. If what we are trying to accomplish in the health sector really takes off, then it is going to be huge. But if it doesn’t, we’ll see. But I don’t like dealing with all the dick-measuring. It’s so much dick-measuring.”

You know how you can hear the world mayonnaise so many times that it just starts to sound like random syllables? It’s how I’m starting to feel about dick-measuring.

But it must be worse to be around it all the time than to have to be bombarded by the phrase.

It is the perfect way to describe a work environment. It says so much about the camaraderie, in this case lack thereof, who runs the show and what the priorities are.

Let it be known that we did not do any dick-measuring during our hike. In fact, we talked about paramours and Ria and Chaz backtracked through magical memories of Yellowstone. I constantly had to pull out my phone to jot down snippets of things Ria would say. We also learned that we have something very unique in common (which I will not divulge on this blog) and I highfived her.

Ria was proud of me for hiking, even though she knows I don’t love the outdoors. I, then, was feeling kind of proud of myself. I’ve tried to do all the excursions here at least once. I’ve never walked away feeling a deeper sense of awe or fulfillment, but I do them because I am here and this is my opportunity!

Ria would look over in the distance and percolate: “Ooh look at that natural slide disturbance area.” I had to roll my eyes, but in an adoring way. “Guys, I just want to point out that we are above a float plane right now” as we saw one fly past, at a lower height than us obviously. “We’re looking down at the clouds guys. This is what I dreamed of.”

At one point I said: “Ria, I’m getting so many good pictures of you!” I am just not much of a hiker, so if it doesn’t proffer me lots of instagram mileage I leave unfulfilled. Like a real wilderness fiend.

Ria just responded, matter of factly: “I’m glad. My best angle is outside.”