La cultura machista has come up several times, with my host mom and my first Profe Eduardo. Our Training Director doesn’t ever use that term, she only says that there are defined gender roles and norms here that are different than the States.

In the rural communities, El Machismo is extremely strong.

It’s possible that the Ladino culture, such as that of my host family and Profe Eduardo, don’t consider their own culture Machista. When they talk about el machismo, they say that it is a problem in El Campo.

I’m not sure what I consider what, but I don’t think it matters. I know I feel weird jogging in Ciudad Vieja, which is not rural at all compared to El Campo. So I can only imagine El Campo.

Here’s what I know: gender roles are different here. They are strong like the coffee, nothing seems left undefined in the world of gender roles.

I’m in a unique situation because my host dad passed away a few years ago. So my host mom runs the show. But her three sons support her in various ways, but she irons and folds her middle son’s shirts with great precision and care. She hand-washes their laundry and hangs them on the lines upstairs to dry. Her sons drive her everywhere, I don’t think she drives. But she doesn’t wear indigenous ropa and she doesn’t carry baskets of tortillas on her head or wash her clothes in the community pila. She is not in El Campo.

So, before I’m even close to moving into El Campo this is what I know: Machistmo, it exists here.

In general, I feel like my body isn’t my own. The implications of my sole presence in a public space can be construed in all manner of ways. It makes me realize that here in Guatemala, as a woman, I don’t belong only to myself. If I drink a beer by myself at a bar, I am looking for sex. If I am dressed even with a sleeveless shirt, that draws unnecessary attention. I will probably never wear shorts in this country. Abortions aren’t a thought (in terms of being legal). Women and men don’t have platonic relationships. If you are friends with a guy, say you invite a guy to your house, you will get an unfavorable reputation. A single woman has to carry herself a certain way, a married woman has to also. Women are expected to cook, clean, have babies and take care of them.

I don’t fit in here already. Throw Una machista into the mix and I might as well be a penguin square-dancing down the tercera calle.

Wish me luck.