I wade over to Gravina Island on the shortest ferry ride of all time (one minute).

I get to the airport, pay at the toll booth, and park. This is at the end of a long string of pick-ups.

“Do you live here in Ketchikan year round? Where are you going after this? Oh, Guatemala!”

“Here is your hotel. Please put your luggage tags on your bags and make sure they are in the lobby before 10am for pick-up. We will come by with a shuttle, pick up your bags and put them on the ship in your particular cabin. You will meet in Salmon Landing at 12:15, the entrance is through these red doors..” Rinse and repeat.

This pick-up is only for one lady. I’ve picked up solo travelers before, but they’ve always been on a flight with other cruise guests. This was my first time doing a lone pick-up. This lady’s personality would make or break this pick-up.

I’m walking in to the airport with Sandra’s first and last name is etched on my wipe-off sign sandwiched between “Alaskan Dream Welcomes You to Ketchikan.”

Before any words have left my mouth, Sally breaks through the automatic glass doors and words start splashing out of her mouth like spawny salmon swimming upstream. “Oh am I the only one?” I thought “On this cruise?” But instead I said “Oh yes, on this particular pick-up. But I’ve been picking up- “

“Oh because I’ve been going around asking if other people were also on this cruise but no one said that they were.”

“No, you’re the only one on this flight” I say with the strained but smiley professionalism that you can tell is strained, but still smiley.

“Do I get one of those shirts? I’ll pay for it.”

“Um I am no sure if we have extras. I can definitely ask Victoria.

“I’ll pay for it.”

“We should be able to get you one.”

..And the shortest ferry ride of all time just became the longest.

“Are there any single people on this trip?”

Uh oh.. Poor Alexander. He’s the only one I can think of but I dare not divulge his name.

She talks like she is a fish stuck on the end of a line, wriggling to break free. Antsy, nervous, rushed, concerned, impolite and AN ALL-AROUND HASSLE. She cuts me off before I finish my sentences. There are two of us in the car, not 13. No one has ever had more of my undivided attention unless they were about to hurl a water balloon at me.

“Well, I don’t mind to travel with other married couples. Usually they let me sit with them. When I went on a cruise to [so-and-so] I was able to spend time with other couples that way. And I don’t mind to travel alone.”

“Well good for you! I’m exactly the same way.”

“That’s how I used to do it anyway, before with my husband. He didn’t like to travel.”

“Oh, I see.”

“I never minded to go alone.”

It’s starting to feel like this woman’s spent a little too much time alone when she tells me, and I realize that this is going to target a certain group of people but it has JUST BEEN MY EXPERIENCE IN TOURISM, that she is from Baltimore and it all becomes clear.

Her nametag needs to be changed. It says “Sandra” not Sandy. “You can just give me a new one tomorrow.”

“You see I wish I’d come to Ketchikan a day early but if I had one complaint it has been that there hasn’t been any information about this trip! I haven’t received any information about when the boat would leave and what we would be doing here in Ketchikan before our cruise started.

“Oh I’m sorry to-“

I mean, I thought we would be given a guided tour around Ketchikan and if I had known that that wasn’t going to be the case then I would have scheduled my own private tour to see the totem poles.

“Oh I can understand why you would-“

“You see, I’ve been in love with the totem poles ever since I learned about the Tlingit Indians in the third grade.”

“Oh wow that’s really ex-“

“I would really like to see them, how do you think I can get down there?”

“Well, Saxman and Totem Row is 2 miles south of where you are staying at Cape Fox. The best thing to do would be to talk to Cape Fox about how to get down there. I’m sure that they can call you a taxi.”

“Yes but how will I get back from there to the hotel. Oh well I guess I can just have the same driver take me back.”

“Oh well I don’t think that he would be able to stay with you the whole time, there.”

“Oh.”

“I think you could call them on their cell phone when you are ready to leave. Do you have a cell phone?”

She said with a great sigh and worry: “Yes, I do.”

It was obviously going to send her nerves through the stratosphere to be stranded among the totem poles with the task of using her cell phone to get a ride home. I wonder how she would have taken to traveling with my roommate who hitch hiked from Yellow Stone to Bozeman alone.

“Could I just pay you to take me down there now?”

“Uh- I don’t think I’d be able to do that. I need to pick-up two more guests from the airport tonight.”

Keep in mind, picking folks up from the airport who are going on a cruise is a courtesy and a formality we offer, but it is not at all common in this industry. In fact, the amount of change we drop on ferry tickets to do these courteous pick-ups is steep.

So for this lady to then think I am her tour guide in addition to her complimentary shuttle from the airport is, well, MISLED.

“You know what, you could take Cape Fox’s business card and I bet if you gave them a call when you were done, they would call you a cab. They are very familiar with where the Totem Poles are. There is also a historical museum downtown that has some totem poles which you would have time to see in the morning. Not to mention, there are very beautiful totem poles at Cape Fox where you are staying. They are carved and restored by a local Native artist.”

“You know what I think I am just going to pay a cab to take me down there. I don’t care how much money it costs. I tip well.”

“Okay, I hope that works out for you.”

I showed Sandra, I’m sorry, Sandy, Salmon Landing, I showed her where the funicular is which can take her downtown tomorrow. I reminded her to put her luggage tags on her bag. I dropped her off at Cape Fox and didn’t look back.

I texted Victoria right away and gave her a fair warning.

I felt like I just put my finger in a socket.

My sincere concern goes out to the other 39 guests on that petite catamaran that wound through the Inside Passage of Alaska for 10 days.

Ear plugs and eye masks can be useful all day long.