Around the end of May, summer is in full swing here in Ketchikan.

At 11am on any given Sunday or any other day you’re given, Historic Creek Street is a cluster of tourists, all standing in the same thin walkway between the street and the creek, taking pictures of the same 5 colorful houses that compel them to snap away. Hell, I take pictures of Creek Street when I walk by. What the tourists (probably) don’t realize is that the tidal rotation here averages on 24 feet a day. So when I walk by Creek Street in the morning and come home for lunch (if I do that) the tide has come up by at least 5 feet. By the time I get home from work, it’s up by 10 feet from the morning walk.

Everyone talks about the tide here like it’s a fixture, maybe a ship. The tide is in, the tide is out, the Blondie song, etc.

I know the mist of Ketchikan rain, I know the feeling of happening upon a black slug meandering to the edge of the sidewalk, and I have seen enough eagles to be unfazed when I pass another. I can tell the difference between a “juvenile eagle” and a full-grown bald eagle.

And speaking of that, there is a guy who works in the kiosks who I same-day ship intense glares as much as possible.  He literally, and I shit you not, literally, whistles and says “There’s a  bald eagle call from a Bald Guy.” It’s not even funny because it’s hideous. And how about the guy who usually stands at Dock One and says “Whales and Eagles and Bears, Oh My.”

I’ve lived in Ketchikan long enough to have a relationship with each dock, all four of them, and the port security who work on each. I know the harbormasters by name, I know which docks I like to work, and which docks I don’t like to work. But most of all: I can tell you how I feel about each ship. That is the real sign of a dock rep, when you know the Shore Ex’s (Shore Excursion) by name, and you know their senses of humor (or lack thereof) and their style.

I can recognize the personality of each Captain, how differently they all talk on the radio, and what they will get flustered about.

When we do combo tours, we have to have a front person, an flag holder, a ticket person and a van driver.

You even find you have a favorite amongst all the ships. You learn how each ship does things: the Holland America ships don’t sign our settlement forms, Crystal Serenity doesn’t take rack cards, Norwegian Pearl gathers the passengers on the ship (and their Shore Ex is really intense), the Disney Shore Ex is always stressed (can you blame him?) and the Celebrity Infinity is ALWAYS late arriving to port.

We are all on radios with earpieces and have a specific way that we call each other “St. John, St. John, Dock.” I think we may be the only people on radios on the dock, I think most of the other reps use their cell phones.
I think our company modeled the radio calls after how the cruise ships do it, which is to say “Recipient, Recipient, Caller” in that order, every time you make a radio call.

The mystery of the job mechanics dissipated, not that I don’t still make mistakes, but at least I understood the machine.

Going out late and waking up early had to stop. It was fun and sociable at the beginning of the season but it wasn’t sustainable!

I enjoy that I know the captains personalities by now, even just from how they interact on the radio.

One captain, let’s call him Nervous Nellie, calls on the radio to tell us every little detail. He plays everything so safe that he will be the first captain to turn around if weather is rough. He always asks us the latest update on our passenger count when we still don’t know because we haven’t seen the Shore Excursion staff from the cruise ship yet, and he asks the day before about which dock will be departing from for tomorrow’s trip (which is always subject to change..)

The other captain, let’s call him Coastie Carl, is new to the company fleet, retired Coast Guard Captain and very regimented as you come to expect from military folks. He doesn’t enunciate his words so everything sounds like a harsh whisper.
He is the most antsy when it comes to leaving tours on time, but they are usually circumstances outside of our control. Me and the gals secretly think he is foxy and so we call him Foxy Carl, except not to his face.

The third captain is the youngest captain, and the moodiest. He can be having a great day, nice and peppy, or he can be absolutely over it. Either way, his sarcasm always precedes him. At the end of the day, he is a ice guy. His crew keeps frozen Reese’s in the freezer for when he is grumpy, leading us to believe that he is pre-diabetic.

There is a whole other family on the dock which is that of your co-dock-reps from other companies. Most people are really nice, we’re all in this together after all, we all want to find our people and get our tours out on time. You can tell which Dock Reps like to schmooze the Shore Ex’s, bringing them coffee (or chocolate, which we do!). We take it one step further because we have the facility to invite them to use free WiFi and sit for a spell, away from the tourists and out of uniform.

But most of the dock reps are nice people- we can commiserate over how brainless the cruise passengers are the second they become tourists. They expect you to be responsible for everything down to tying their shoelaces, that’s what it feels like someday. Other tourists treat you like you are a demigod and take pictures of you with zoom lenses because you are holding a plastic sign with the tour name on it. It’s pretty remarkable what these people think to ask.

But what the tourists most want to know is, will we see whales. See, a lot of the tourists are either at the beginning of their Alaskan vacation, so they want to see ALL THE WILDLIFE TODAY AND ALSO IF A WHALE DOESN’T HIGH FIVE ME I’M JUMPING OFF THIS BOAT. Or they are at the end of their tours and they have already been in Juneau, which is where you actually do see a ton of whales.
Well, this is Ketchikan. 

This is the SALMON capital of the world so we can guarantee that you can see all the salmon wildlife you want in the form of an entree. We can almost certainly promise that you will see bald eagles perched in the spruces and cedars along the ride to Misty Fjords. But what we cannot guarantee is that you are going to see whales who spend 90% of their lives underwater who call the the Pacific Ocean their backyard.

But see, it’s a delicate balance- you can’t tell the tourists that they are likely to see wildlife, because then they will likely be disappointed. You also can’t tell them that they won’t see wildlife either, because then they will DEFINITELY be disappointed. These tours aren’t cheap: the people want to see seals braiding each other’s fins in the shape of sea stars. But we don’t call the shots on wildlife, it’s called wildlife. So what I say is “you are going through 110 miles of their habitat.” They don’t like that, they want to know if that means yes, we will see wildlife, or no, we won’t see wildlife. They also don’t want to know that you saw whales yesterday. That’s not something you ever say because then they think it means the whales will be back today when really, the tourists don’t care about yesterday because they weren’t here for yesterday.

Some tourists hear funny things and report “they told us the boat holds 28 people” when it in fact holds 139. They look on at you with disappointment because it is your fault that whoever “they” is told them that.

But mostly, people are nice. They want to have a good time, be pleasant, and they even want you to like them and think that they are the “nice, pleasant tourists.” But to be honest with you, and I hate saying this because I strive to be the “unique, memorable, thoughtful tourist” but, all tourists are the same to anyone in the tourist industry. There are very few “unique questions,” “laid-back tourists” or “fascinating people” amongst tourists.

Tourists are simultaneously your job, and what stands between you and getting your job done at all times.

Having said that, I like to hear where people are from and how many times they’ve been to Alaska (it’s usually their first). Some people like to run off while you’re giving them directions and then get mad and say “those were horrible directions” when they find where they are going.

My favorite is when people are riding in motorized scooters and they have it in their heads that they will seamlessly make their way onto a boat. Scooters are giant, motorized machines and boats are bins of steel that float on water. The two might not be compatible. When I tell them “we will need to store your scooter in our office while you are on the tour, and you can use our wheelchair” they huff and puff and say “well this wasn’t explained to me before.” And I want to respond “Did you communicate to your Shore Excursion manager that you are on a scooter, and to tell us in advance? Did you perhaps ask your Shore Excursion director if you could take your scooter on the boat, and what did they say?” But instead I have to smile, apologize, and tell them that the wheelchair will be the best option for the nature of the trip. For one thing, the tidal rotation is so extreme that if the tide goes out while they are on tour, their 300-pound scooter won’t make it back up the ramp when they get back.

I take pride in my direction-giving method. I look them in the eyes and make sure they are looking at me. I ask them “Do you see..” so that they have to say “Yes or No” and we go from there. On  my watch, I’ve never lost a person. Sadly, I cannot say this is always the case with the rest of the dock crew. We lose people all the time and I swear it’s because not everyone is assertive enough when they give directions (all the tourists think they are going to miss the boat, even though we are looking for a final headcount and won’t leave without them unless they are way late).

One other funny thing is when they think our tour will get back AFTER their ship leaves. I want to say to them “now would that be good for business?” I always assure them that we let the ship know when our tours are back and they don’t leave without you, and also that we get back two hours before your departure, etc.

Basically my bright green shirt announces “Ask me if everything will be okay.”

Gosh, is it possible that humans are just looking for someone who holds the illusion of control to tell them everything will be okay and also, wonderful?

Maybe that’s why we go on vacation, so life can be unrolled for us like a lush carpet and we are served exactly what we want without any effort on our part.

I think I’d prefer not to live life like I’m a tourist, more like a passenger. Figure my shit out, get my bags together and seek it out without expecting anyone else to show me the way.